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Thread: The BlazerUnit Holiday Thread Special, December 19th

  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by blazerunit View Post
    i thought there had to be a legit explanation for robert goulet's failure to respond to my emails. :

    Despite this bit of news, the show will go on.
    ΔΔΙΙΙΙ - ΔΔΙΙΙ
    Doug

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Doug4Troy View Post
    ΔΔΙΙΙΙ - ΔΔΙΙΙ
    The street number for the most reliable bail bondsman in Troy?

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlazerUnit View Post
    The street number for the most reliable bail bondsman in Troy?
    twent’ē fôr tōō twent’ē thrē
    Doug

  4. #14
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    Default It's time!



    ANNOUNCER: ITS THE BLAZERUNIT HOLIDAY SPECIAL! Sponsored by the fine folks at Harco Super Drug and Riverside Chrysler Dodge Jeep! And now...America's greatest internet poster, BLAZERUNIT!

    (long applause)

    BLAZERUNIT: Hello everyone, welcome to our holiday special. I'm glad everyone could be here today. It's been a trying year for me personally--Hannah Simone won't return my calls. The excellent Prime Suspect is being cancelled by pinheads at NBC. And my UAB Blazers couldn't overcome fart-worthy coaching and finished the season with a 3-9 record, including a heartbreaking loss to the lowly Troy Trojans.

    Speaking of which, it's been a trying year everyone here at GoTroyTrojans.com. Eighth grade math continues to befuddle newnan trojan, while BurnTheHorse continues to struggle with basic literacy. TrojanWarrior418 is particularly peeved that Larry the Cable Guy cancelled his Montgomery tour stop. And while these and other Trojan fans possess temporary bragging rights against the Blazers, Trojan fans are miffed at finishing 3-9 also, ceding the Tinymite Regional crown to Arkansas State.

    But there are things to look forward to for 2012 and beyond--my UAB Blazers fired that bootleg bum of a coach in Neil Callaway, and UAB nabbed the hottest assistant coach in the SEC to replace him in Garrick McGee. Not only that, UAB put up a proposal for a new on-campus stadium that was so freakin' awesome, a Red Elephant Mafia boss is trying to put the kibosh on it--but we know he won't succeed. The renewed interest in Blazer football has never been higher. That, and there's too much support from our corporate business partners, the City of Birmingham, former Blazer players, and local-to-national media outlets to ignore. I predict this time next year, we'll have broken ground on the new home of the BBVA Compass Bowl--if not the eventual home of the C-USA Football Champions.

    (raucous applause)

    And let's not forget Trojan fans--things will be looking up in Troy next year too! This spring, a brand new Cub Cadet dealership will open next to Crowe's Chicken. The John Deere dealer in Brundidge has been ripping students off for years--no more! There's a new choice for public transportation! Also, I've been giving Troy fans hell about their pitiful defensive football game. But no more--Today, I've been given the go-ahead by athletic director Steve Dennis to announce that Vic Koenning has been hired as the new defensive coordinator!

    (applause)

    [touches earpiece] Wait...Huh? Oh, okay. I'm being corrected by my producer...I've made a mistake, I'm very sorry. I should have said athletic director Bubba Cunningham. Vic Koenning will be fixing the defense of Larry Fedora's North Carolina Tarheels in 2012. Too bad, so sad. But I can tell you that Veterans Memorial Stadium has secured a sponsorship with Burnett's Pink Lemonade Vodka. Pike County co-eds love the stuff, and when they eventually vomit on themselves--they'll literally match the stadium's endzones. Good news!

    Seems to be cooling down a bit in here. I'm going to throw a few extra logs on the fire, plus this hideous Halloween costume I found on the side of the road in Rutledge. It's probably time for a commercial break, but don't you go anywhere--we've got special guests with special needs doing special performances coming up next! Don't you go anywhere!

    ANNOUNCER: You're watching the BlazerUnit Holiday Special! We'll return after a word from one of our fine national sponsors.
    Last edited by BlazerUnit; 12-19-2011 at 02:50 PM.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by blazerunit View Post


    Announcer: its the blazerunit holiday special! sponsored by the fine folks at harco super drug and riverside chrysler dodge jeep! And now...america's greatest internet poster, blazerunit!

    (long applause)

    blazerunit: Hello everyone, welcome to our holiday special. I'm glad everyone could be here today. It's been a trying year for me personally--hannah simone won't return my calls. The excellent prime suspect is being cancelled by pinheads at nbc. And my uab blazers couldn't overcome fart-worthy coaching and finished the season with a 3-9 record, including a heartbreaking loss to the lowly troy trojans.

    Speaking of which, it's been a trying year everyone here at gotroytrojans.com. Eighth grade math continues to befuddle newnan trojan, while burnthehorse continues to struggle with basic literacy. Trojanwarrior418 is particularly peeved that larry the cable guy cancelled his montgomery tour stop. And while these and other trojan fans possess temporary bragging rights against the blazers, trojan fans are miffed at finishing 3-9 also, ceding the tinymite regional crown to arkansas state.

    But there are things to look forward to for 2012 and beyond--my uab blazers fired that bootleg bum of a coach in neil callaway, and uab nabbed the hottest assistant coach in the sec to replace him in garrick mcgee. Not only that, uab put up a proposal for a new on-campus stadium that was so freakin' awesome, a red elephant mafia boss is trying to put the kibosh on it--but we know he won't succeed. The renewed interest in blazer football has never been higher. That, and there's too much support from our corporate business partners, the city of birmingham, former blazer players, and local-to-national media outlets to ignore. I predict this time next year, we'll have broken ground on the new home of the bbva compass bowl--if not the eventual home of the c-usa football champions.

    (raucous applause)

    and let's not forget trojan fans--things will be looking up in troy next year too! This spring, a brand new cub cadet dealership will open next to crowe's chicken. The john deere dealer in brundidge has been ripping students off for years--no more! There's a new choice for public transportation! Also, i've been giving troy fans hell about their pitiful defensive football game. But no more--today, i've been given the go-ahead by athletic director steve dennis to announce that vic koenning has been hired as the new defensive coordinator!

    (applause)

    [touches earpiece] wait...huh? Oh, okay. I'm being corrected by my producer...i've made a mistake, i'm very sorry. I should have said athletic director bubba cunningham. vic koenning will be fixing the defense of larry fedora's north carolina tarheels in 2012. Too bad, so sad. But i can tell you that veterans memorial stadium has secured a sponsorship with burnett's pink lemonade vodka. Pike county co-eds love the stuff, and when they eventually vomit on themselves--they'll literally match the stadium's endzones. Good news!

    Seems to be cooling down a bit in here. I'm going to throw a few extra logs on the fire, plus this hideous halloween costume i found on the side of the road in rutledge. It's probably time for a commercial break, but don't you go anywhere--we've got special guests with special needs doing special performances coming up next! Don't you go anywhere!

    Announcer: You're watching the blazerunit holiday special! We'll return after a word from one of our fine national sponsors.
    24-23
    Doug

  6. #16
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    .....wow you must have worked night and day for a whole week to come up with that. *yawn*


  7. #17
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    that seemed like a lot of effort and thought put in to something no one here is impressed with.

    Autauga County Troy Alumni Chapter

  8. #18
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    Default We're back!

    ANNOUNCER: Welcome back to the BLAZERUNIT HOLIDAY SPECIAL on GoTroyTrojans.com. This special is brought to you by K&B Drugs and Troy Motors, dealer of fine Mercury and Merkur vehicles!

    Welcome back your host, BlazerUnit!

    (raucous applause)

    BLAZERUNIT: Thank you, thank you. Folks, one of the things I like about the holidays are the many occasions you'll have to fellowship with friends, family, and morons you make fun of. Well, one of those morons is here tonight--he's coached at Troy University since 1982 and probably is in possession of some Sandusky-like pictures to have held onto his job for this long. He's had the privilege of suffering several losses to the likes of UAB, South Alabama, and Alabama State over the years. Please give a warm, roll ti--um, er, yuletide welcome to the Fake Don Maestri!

    (applause, Fake Don Maestri waves)

    BLAZERUNIT: Welcome Don, happy holidays.

    FAKE DON MAESTRI: What the hell did you just say to me?

    BLAZERUNIT: Um, happy hol--
    FAKE DON MAESTRI: That's what I thought you said. You listen to me you sick sum'bish, it's CHRISS-MAS-TIME. Not 'happy holidaze' or none of that lilly-livered seasons greetin's crap. CHRIS. MUSS. An' don't you fugget it!

    BLAZERUNIT: Really Don? Is there something the matter? What...
    FAKE DON MAESTRI: 'What' nuthin', dammit. This program as far as I'm concerned is a CHRIS-MUSS program. Not dat dere holly-day name you or Mister Announcer Man dun called it.

    BLAZERUNIT: [pauses] Wow, I'm sorry you feel that way Don. I mean, we've never actually met before, and we'd only communicated through my publicist and your secretary, and I didn't if know you personally celebrated Christmas or not, so...wow. Just wow.

    FAKE DON MAESTRI: Well now ya dun learned sumthin'. Na you gon' let me have the floe or what?

    BLAZERUNIT: [flustered] I mean...yes, go ahead. We're live.
    FAKE DON MAESTRI: Good. I'm deddicatin' this heyah performance to the wonderful basketball teams I have coached, to all the fans and all the folks that is to be from the Troy family. I am not a moron, you snibbelly little twit, you and that sham of a foozsball team up nowth, YALL the morons! For that matter, my daughter has shown me some of the thangs you been sayin' on thuh inna-nett, and I hafta say I'm appalled that they let you get away it. Well, you dun booked me on ya program, and I'm gonna do a piece that's uplifting to Trojan Nation, you hear? Ain't gonna be no clownin' of the university I represent while I gots the stage.

    We're gonna uplift Trojan Nation and give honor to where its due on CHRIS-MUSS. Go 'head, SOTS.






    (clears throat)








    Silent fart, deadly fart
    Launched with stealth, a work of art
    Tears will well up and drop from your eyes
    It's an aroma that can't be disguised
    Try to breathe through your mouth
    Try to breathe through your mouth

    Silent fart, deadly fart
    Odor that can stop your heart
    Straight from someone's anonymous rear
    People cry out "hey, what died in here"
    No one claims it as theirs
    No one claims it as theirs

    Silent fart, deadly fart
    Quickly makes a crowd depart
    Coughing and gagging they all run away
    'Cept for the person who put it in play
    It's not so bad when it's yours
    It's not so bad when it's yours



    (stunned silent crowd)

    FAKE DON MAESTRI: Thank you kindly, and MERRY CHRIS-MUSS. [exits from camera view]

    BLAZERUNIT: Um...okay. We'll be right back...even though we probably shouldn't.

    ANNOUNCER: Please pause for a special Election 2012 message.

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlazerUnit View Post
    ANNOUNCER: Welcome back to the BLAZERUNIT HOLIDAY SPECIAL on GoTroyTrojans.com. This special is brought to you by K&B Drugs and Troy Motors, dealer of fine Mercury and Merkur vehicles!

    Welcome back your host, BlazerUnit!

    (raucous applause)

    BLAZERUNIT: Thank you, thank you. Folks, one of the things I like about the holidays are the many occasions you'll have to fellowship with friends, family, and morons you make fun of. Well, one of those morons is here tonight--he's coached at Troy University since 1982 and probably is in possession of some Sandusky-like pictures to have held onto his job for this long. He's had the privilege of suffering several losses to the likes of UAB, South Alabama, and Alabama State over the years. Please give a warm, roll ti--um, er, yuletide welcome to the Fake Don Maestri!

    (applause, Fake Don Maestri waves)

    BLAZERUNIT: Welcome Don, happy holidays.

    FAKE DON MAESTRI: What the hell did you just say to me?

    BLAZERUNIT: Um, happy hol--
    FAKE DON MAESTRI: That's what I thought you said. You listen to me you sick sum'bish, it's CHRISS-MAS-TIME. Not 'happy holidaze' or none of that lilly-livered seasons greetin's crap. CHRIS. MUSS. An' don't you fugget it!

    BLAZERUNIT: Really Don? Is there something the matter? What...
    FAKE DON MAESTRI: 'What' nuthin', dammit. This program as far as I'm concerned is a CHRIS-MUSS program. Not dat dere holly-day name you or Mister Announcer Man dun called it.

    BLAZERUNIT: [pauses] Wow, I'm sorry you feel that way Don. I mean, we've never actually met before, and we'd only communicated through my publicist and your secretary, and I didn't if know you personally celebrated Christmas or not, so...wow. Just wow.

    FAKE DON MAESTRI: Well now ya dun learned sumthin'. Na you gon' let me have the floe or what?

    BLAZERUNIT: [flustered] I mean...yes, go ahead. We're live.
    FAKE DON MAESTRI: Good. I'm deddicatin' this heyah performance to the wonderful basketball teams I have coached, to all the fans and all the folks that is to be from the Troy family. I am not a moron, you snibbelly little twit, you and that sham of a foozsball team up nowth, YALL the morons! For that matter, my daughter has shown me some of the thangs you been sayin' on thuh inna-nett, and I hafta say I'm appalled that they let you get away it. Well, you dun booked me on ya program, and I'm gonna do a piece that's uplifting to Trojan Nation, you hear? Ain't gonna be no clownin' of the university I represent while I gots the stage.

    We're gonna uplift Trojan Nation and give honor to where its due on CHRIS-MUSS. Go 'head, SOTS.






    (clears throat)








    Silent fart, deadly fart
    Launched with stealth, a work of art
    Tears will well up and drop from your eyes
    It's an aroma that can't be disguised
    Try to breathe through your mouth
    Try to breathe through your mouth

    Silent fart, deadly fart
    Odor that can stop your heart
    Straight from someone's anonymous rear
    People cry out "hey, what died in here"
    No one claims it as theirs
    No one claims it as theirs

    Silent fart, deadly fart
    Quickly makes a crowd depart
    Coughing and gagging they all run away
    'Cept for the person who put it in play
    It's not so bad when it's yours
    It's not so bad when it's yours



    (stunned silent crowd)

    FAKE DON MAESTRI: Thank you kindly, and MERRY CHRIS-MUSS. [exits from camera view]

    BLAZERUNIT: Um...okay. We'll be right back...even though we probably shouldn't.

    ANNOUNCER: Please pause for a special Election 2012 message.
    Twenty four - Twenty Three
    Doug

  10. #20
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    Really thought this was going to be fun and funny. It was neither. Sorry, BU, but I think you struck out on this one. Keep trying and ......


    Merry Christmas from me to you.

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