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BlazerUnit
12-12-2011, 12:10 PM
Be here next Monday for the BlazerUnit Holiday Thread.

Will definitely come bearing gifts. I might bring a few friends. And at long last, I'll probably get banned.

It's gonna be epic. :thumb:
ocJsiJuViFc

Burn the Horse
12-12-2011, 12:24 PM
so you're putting us all on notice that you plan to come back, cause trouble, and do something to get yourself banned...?

why don't we just do you a favor and ban you NOW? you get what you want and we don't have to put up with whatever it is you have planned.

BlazerUnit
12-12-2011, 05:26 PM
so you're putting us all on notice that you plan to come back, cause trouble, and do something to get yourself banned...?

why don't we just do you a favor and ban you NOW? you get what you want and we don't have to put up with whatever it is you have planned.

Well, I didn't actually say I wanted to be banned, nor did I say anything about explicitly violating board rules. I'm hyping the special on the possibility that I *might* be banned. (In showbiz, this is what we call a 'hook'.)

You don't think there wouldn't be anyone here at GTT.com who'd want to see that and celebrate accordingly?

Worth a week to wait on, I think. Stay tuned. :wave:

Doug4Troy
12-12-2011, 07:19 PM
be here next monday for the blazerunit holiday thread.

Will definitely come bearing gifts. I might bring a few friends. And at long last, i'll probably get banned.

It's gonna be epic. :thumb:
ocjsijuvifc

24-23

Doug4Troy
12-12-2011, 07:20 PM
well, i didn't actually say i wanted to be banned, nor did i say anything about explicitly violating board rules. I'm hyping the special on the possibility that i *might* be banned. (in showbiz, this is what we call a 'hook'.)

you don't think there wouldn't be anyone here at gtt.com who'd want to see that and celebrate accordingly?

Worth a week to wait on, i think. Stay tuned. :wave:

t-w-e-n-t-y f-o-u-r - t-w-e-n-t-y t-h-r-e-e

Burn the Horse
12-12-2011, 07:37 PM
veinte y cuatro - veinte y tres

TrojanEmpire
12-12-2011, 08:49 PM
veinte y cuatro - veinte y tres

Just ban him now and be done with it

TrojanEmpire
12-12-2011, 08:50 PM
so you're putting us all on notice that you plan to come back, cause trouble, and do something to get yourself banned...?

why don't we just do you a favor and ban you NOW? you get what you want and we don't have to put up with whatever it is you have planned.

Sorry....wrote quote

Just ban him now and get it over with

BleedingCardinal
12-13-2011, 02:37 PM
Well, I didn't actually say I wanted to be banned, nor did I say anything about explicitly violating board rules. I'm hyping the special on the possibility that I *might* be banned. (In showbiz, this is what we call a 'hook'.)

You don't think there wouldn't be anyone here at GTT.com who'd want to see that and celebrate accordingly?

Worth a week to wait on, I think. Stay tuned. :wave:

Hey! Guess what. This isn't show biz. This is a forum. :wave:

BlazerUnit
12-15-2011, 02:12 PM
I thought there had to be a legit explanation for Robert Goulet's failure to respond to my emails. :confused-smiley-004: :sad010:

Despite this bit of news, the show will go on.

Doug4Troy
12-15-2011, 10:47 PM
i thought there had to be a legit explanation for robert goulet's failure to respond to my emails. :confused-smiley-004: :sad010:

Despite this bit of news, the show will go on.

ΔΔΙΙΙΙ - ΔΔΙΙΙ

BlazerUnit
12-16-2011, 03:43 PM
ΔΔΙΙΙΙ - ΔΔΙΙΙ

The street number for the most reliable bail bondsman in Troy?

Doug4Troy
12-16-2011, 05:51 PM
The street number for the most reliable bail bondsman in Troy?

twent’ē fôr tōō twent’ē thrē

BlazerUnit
12-19-2011, 12:43 PM
:bounce012: :bounce012: :bounce012:

ANNOUNCER: ITS THE BLAZERUNIT HOLIDAY SPECIAL! Sponsored by the fine folks at Harco Super Drug and Riverside Chrysler Dodge Jeep! And now...America's greatest internet poster, BLAZERUNIT!

(long applause)

BLAZERUNIT: Hello everyone, welcome to our holiday special. I'm glad everyone could be here today. It's been a trying year for me personally--Hannah Simone (http://www.google.com/search?q=Hannah+simone&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a) won't return my calls. The excellent Prime Suspect is being cancelled by pinheads at NBC. And my UAB Blazers couldn't overcome fart-worthy coaching and finished the season with a 3-9 record, including a heartbreaking loss to the lowly Troy Trojans.

Speaking of which, it's been a trying year everyone here at GoTroyTrojans.com. Eighth grade math continues to befuddle newnan trojan, while BurnTheHorse continues to struggle with basic literacy. TrojanWarrior418 is particularly peeved that Larry the Cable Guy cancelled his Montgomery tour stop. And while these and other Trojan fans possess temporary bragging rights against the Blazers, Trojan fans are miffed at finishing 3-9 also, ceding the Tinymite Regional crown to Arkansas State.

But there are things to look forward to for 2012 and beyond--my UAB Blazers fired that bootleg bum of a coach in Neil Callaway, and UAB nabbed the hottest assistant coach in the SEC to replace him in Garrick McGee. Not only that, UAB put up a proposal for a new on-campus stadium that was so freakin' awesome, a Red Elephant Mafia boss is trying to put the kibosh on it--but we know he won't succeed. The renewed interest in Blazer football has never been higher. That, and there's too much support from our corporate business partners, the City of Birmingham, former Blazer players, and local-to-national media outlets to ignore. I predict this time next year, we'll have broken ground on the new home of the BBVA Compass Bowl--if not the eventual home of the C-USA Football Champions.

(raucous applause)

And let's not forget Trojan fans--things will be looking up in Troy next year too! This spring, a brand new Cub Cadet dealership will open next to Crowe's Chicken. The John Deere dealer in Brundidge has been ripping students off for years--no more! There's a new choice for public transportation! Also, I've been giving Troy fans hell about their pitiful defensive football game. But no more--Today, I've been given the go-ahead by athletic director Steve Dennis to announce that Vic Koenning has been hired as the new defensive coordinator!

(applause)

[touches earpiece] Wait...Huh? Oh, okay. I'm being corrected by my producer...I've made a mistake, I'm very sorry. I should have said athletic director Bubba Cunningham. Vic Koenning will be fixing the defense of Larry Fedora's North Carolina Tarheels in 2012. Too bad, so sad. But I can tell you that Veterans Memorial Stadium has secured a sponsorship with Burnett's Pink Lemonade Vodka. Pike County co-eds love the stuff, and when they eventually vomit on themselves--they'll literally match the stadium's endzones. Good news!

Seems to be cooling down a bit in here. I'm going to throw a few extra logs on the fire, plus this hideous Halloween costume I found on the side of the road (http://www.al.com/sports/index.ssf/2011/06/troy_trojan_mascot_stolen_camp.html) in Rutledge. It's probably time for a commercial break, but don't you go anywhere--we've got special guests with special needs doing special performances coming up next! Don't you go anywhere!

ANNOUNCER: You're watching the BlazerUnit Holiday Special! We'll return after a word from one of our fine national sponsors (http://youtu.be/IlR-I57nmr4).

Doug4Troy
12-19-2011, 03:42 PM
:bounce012: :bounce012: :bounce012:

Announcer: its the blazerunit holiday special! sponsored by the fine folks at harco super drug and riverside chrysler dodge jeep! And now...america's greatest internet poster, blazerunit!

(long applause)

blazerunit: Hello everyone, welcome to our holiday special. I'm glad everyone could be here today. It's been a trying year for me personally--hannah simone (http://www.google.com/search?q=hannah+simone&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-us:official&client=firefox-a) won't return my calls. The excellent prime suspect is being cancelled by pinheads at nbc. And my uab blazers couldn't overcome fart-worthy coaching and finished the season with a 3-9 record, including a heartbreaking loss to the lowly troy trojans.

Speaking of which, it's been a trying year everyone here at gotroytrojans.com. Eighth grade math continues to befuddle newnan trojan, while burnthehorse continues to struggle with basic literacy. Trojanwarrior418 is particularly peeved that larry the cable guy cancelled his montgomery tour stop. And while these and other trojan fans possess temporary bragging rights against the blazers, trojan fans are miffed at finishing 3-9 also, ceding the tinymite regional crown to arkansas state.

But there are things to look forward to for 2012 and beyond--my uab blazers fired that bootleg bum of a coach in neil callaway, and uab nabbed the hottest assistant coach in the sec to replace him in garrick mcgee. Not only that, uab put up a proposal for a new on-campus stadium that was so freakin' awesome, a red elephant mafia boss is trying to put the kibosh on it--but we know he won't succeed. The renewed interest in blazer football has never been higher. That, and there's too much support from our corporate business partners, the city of birmingham, former blazer players, and local-to-national media outlets to ignore. I predict this time next year, we'll have broken ground on the new home of the bbva compass bowl--if not the eventual home of the c-usa football champions.

(raucous applause)

and let's not forget trojan fans--things will be looking up in troy next year too! This spring, a brand new cub cadet dealership will open next to crowe's chicken. The john deere dealer in brundidge has been ripping students off for years--no more! There's a new choice for public transportation! Also, i've been giving troy fans hell about their pitiful defensive football game. But no more--today, i've been given the go-ahead by athletic director steve dennis to announce that vic koenning has been hired as the new defensive coordinator!

(applause)

[touches earpiece] wait...huh? Oh, okay. I'm being corrected by my producer...i've made a mistake, i'm very sorry. I should have said athletic director bubba cunningham. vic koenning will be fixing the defense of larry fedora's north carolina tarheels in 2012. Too bad, so sad. But i can tell you that veterans memorial stadium has secured a sponsorship with burnett's pink lemonade vodka. Pike county co-eds love the stuff, and when they eventually vomit on themselves--they'll literally match the stadium's endzones. Good news!

Seems to be cooling down a bit in here. I'm going to throw a few extra logs on the fire, plus this hideous halloween costume i found on the side of the road (http://www.al.com/sports/index.ssf/2011/06/troy_trojan_mascot_stolen_camp.html) in rutledge. It's probably time for a commercial break, but don't you go anywhere--we've got special guests with special needs doing special performances coming up next! Don't you go anywhere!

Announcer: You're watching the blazerunit holiday special! We'll return after a word from one of our fine national sponsors (http://youtu.be/ilr-i57nmr4).

24-23

TrojanWarrior418
12-19-2011, 05:28 PM
.....wow you must have worked night and day for a whole week to come up with that. *yawn*

http://fc05.deviantart.net/fs26/f/2008/163/4/1/Epic_Fail_Guy_by_Madvillan.jpg

Burn the Horse
12-19-2011, 05:44 PM
that seemed like a lot of effort and thought put in to something no one here is impressed with.

BlazerUnit
12-19-2011, 05:58 PM
ANNOUNCER: Welcome back to the BLAZERUNIT HOLIDAY SPECIAL on GoTroyTrojans.com. This special is brought to you by K&B Drugs and Troy Motors, dealer of fine Mercury and Merkur vehicles!

Welcome back your host, BlazerUnit!

(raucous applause)

BLAZERUNIT: Thank you, thank you. Folks, one of the things I like about the holidays are the many occasions you'll have to fellowship with friends, family, and morons you make fun of. Well, one of those morons is here tonight--he's coached at Troy University since 1982 and probably is in possession of some Sandusky-like pictures to have held onto his job for this long. He's had the privilege of suffering several losses to the likes of UAB, South Alabama, and Alabama State over the years. Please give a warm, roll ti--um, er, yuletide welcome to the Fake Don Maestri!

(applause, Fake Don Maestri waves)

BLAZERUNIT: Welcome Don, happy holidays.

FAKE DON MAESTRI: What the hell did you just say to me?

BLAZERUNIT: Um, happy hol--
FAKE DON MAESTRI: That's what I thought you said. You listen to me you sick sum'bish, it's CHRISS-MAS-TIME. Not 'happy holidaze' or none of that lilly-livered seasons greetin's crap. CHRIS. MUSS. An' don't you fugget it!

BLAZERUNIT: Really Don? Is there something the matter? What...
FAKE DON MAESTRI: 'What' nuthin', dammit. This program as far as I'm concerned is a CHRIS-MUSS program. Not dat dere holly-day name you or Mister Announcer Man dun called it.

BLAZERUNIT: [pauses] Wow, I'm sorry you feel that way Don. I mean, we've never actually met before, and we'd only communicated through my publicist and your secretary, and I didn't if know you personally celebrated Christmas or not, so...wow. Just wow.

FAKE DON MAESTRI: Well now ya dun learned sumthin'. Na you gon' let me have the floe or what?

BLAZERUNIT: [flustered] I mean...yes, go ahead. We're live.
FAKE DON MAESTRI: Good. I'm deddicatin' this heyah performance to the wonderful basketball teams I have coached, to all the fans and all the folks that is to be from the Troy family. I am not a moron, you snibbelly little twit, you and that sham of a foozsball team up nowth, YALL the morons! For that matter, my daughter has shown me some of the thangs you been sayin' on thuh inna-nett, and I hafta say I'm appalled that they let you get away it. Well, you dun booked me on ya program, and I'm gonna do a piece that's uplifting to Trojan Nation, you hear? Ain't gonna be no clownin' of the university I represent while I gots the stage.

We're gonna uplift Trojan Nation and give honor to where its due on CHRIS-MUSS. Go 'head, SOTS.






(clears throat)








Silent fart, deadly fart
Launched with stealth, a work of art
Tears will well up and drop from your eyes
It's an aroma that can't be disguised
Try to breathe through your mouth
Try to breathe through your mouth

Silent fart, deadly fart
Odor that can stop your heart
Straight from someone's anonymous rear
People cry out "hey, what died in here"
No one claims it as theirs
No one claims it as theirs

Silent fart, deadly fart
Quickly makes a crowd depart
Coughing and gagging they all run away
'Cept for the person who put it in play
It's not so bad when it's yours
It's not so bad when it's yours


(stunned silent crowd)

FAKE DON MAESTRI: Thank you kindly, and MERRY CHRIS-MUSS. [exits from camera view]

BLAZERUNIT: Um...okay. We'll be right back...even though we probably shouldn't.

ANNOUNCER: Please pause for a special Election 2012 message (http://youtu.be/YgC5EKfIe_I).

Doug4Troy
12-19-2011, 07:44 PM
ANNOUNCER: Welcome back to the BLAZERUNIT HOLIDAY SPECIAL on GoTroyTrojans.com. This special is brought to you by K&B Drugs and Troy Motors, dealer of fine Mercury and Merkur vehicles!

Welcome back your host, BlazerUnit!

(raucous applause)

BLAZERUNIT: Thank you, thank you. Folks, one of the things I like about the holidays are the many occasions you'll have to fellowship with friends, family, and morons you make fun of. Well, one of those morons is here tonight--he's coached at Troy University since 1982 and probably is in possession of some Sandusky-like pictures to have held onto his job for this long. He's had the privilege of suffering several losses to the likes of UAB, South Alabama, and Alabama State over the years. Please give a warm, roll ti--um, er, yuletide welcome to the Fake Don Maestri!

(applause, Fake Don Maestri waves)

BLAZERUNIT: Welcome Don, happy holidays.

FAKE DON MAESTRI: What the hell did you just say to me?

BLAZERUNIT: Um, happy hol--
FAKE DON MAESTRI: That's what I thought you said. You listen to me you sick sum'bish, it's CHRISS-MAS-TIME. Not 'happy holidaze' or none of that lilly-livered seasons greetin's crap. CHRIS. MUSS. An' don't you fugget it!

BLAZERUNIT: Really Don? Is there something the matter? What...
FAKE DON MAESTRI: 'What' nuthin', dammit. This program as far as I'm concerned is a CHRIS-MUSS program. Not dat dere holly-day name you or Mister Announcer Man dun called it.

BLAZERUNIT: [pauses] Wow, I'm sorry you feel that way Don. I mean, we've never actually met before, and we'd only communicated through my publicist and your secretary, and I didn't if know you personally celebrated Christmas or not, so...wow. Just wow.

FAKE DON MAESTRI: Well now ya dun learned sumthin'. Na you gon' let me have the floe or what?

BLAZERUNIT: [flustered] I mean...yes, go ahead. We're live.
FAKE DON MAESTRI: Good. I'm deddicatin' this heyah performance to the wonderful basketball teams I have coached, to all the fans and all the folks that is to be from the Troy family. I am not a moron, you snibbelly little twit, you and that sham of a foozsball team up nowth, YALL the morons! For that matter, my daughter has shown me some of the thangs you been sayin' on thuh inna-nett, and I hafta say I'm appalled that they let you get away it. Well, you dun booked me on ya program, and I'm gonna do a piece that's uplifting to Trojan Nation, you hear? Ain't gonna be no clownin' of the university I represent while I gots the stage.

We're gonna uplift Trojan Nation and give honor to where its due on CHRIS-MUSS. Go 'head, SOTS.






(clears throat)








Silent fart, deadly fart
Launched with stealth, a work of art
Tears will well up and drop from your eyes
It's an aroma that can't be disguised
Try to breathe through your mouth
Try to breathe through your mouth

Silent fart, deadly fart
Odor that can stop your heart
Straight from someone's anonymous rear
People cry out "hey, what died in here"
No one claims it as theirs
No one claims it as theirs

Silent fart, deadly fart
Quickly makes a crowd depart
Coughing and gagging they all run away
'Cept for the person who put it in play
It's not so bad when it's yours
It's not so bad when it's yours


(stunned silent crowd)

FAKE DON MAESTRI: Thank you kindly, and MERRY CHRIS-MUSS. [exits from camera view]

BLAZERUNIT: Um...okay. We'll be right back...even though we probably shouldn't.

ANNOUNCER: Please pause for a special Election 2012 message (http://youtu.be/YgC5EKfIe_I).

Twenty four - Twenty Three

Mike Cunningham
12-19-2011, 07:44 PM
Really thought this was going to be fun and funny. It was neither. Sorry, BU, but I think you struck out on this one. Keep trying and ......


Merry Christmas from me to you.

BlazerUnit
12-20-2011, 01:18 AM
ANNOUNCER: Welcome back to the BlazerUnit Holiday Special! Sponsored locally by Revco, Eastern Airlines, and Classic 105.7 WRJM.

Once again, your host...BlazerUnit!

(warm applause)

BLAZERUNIT: Folks, I want to take time and apologize for our last segment; I wasn't expecting things to degrade in that direction. We almost lost control of the show, but we're right back on track now. We're gonna salvage this thing and have a great holiday show...who's with me? ['Yeah!' yells the crowd]

Coming to the stage...you used to know him as the chieftain of round but sound Trojan defense. You used to know her as the thick southern chick who tested Dixie Carter's patience on the hit TV show Designing Women. Please, give it up for Fake Wayne Bolt and Fake Delta Burke!

(Wayne and Delta walk from behind the curtain waving in unison to hearty applause)

BLAZERUNIT: Wayne! Still looking dapper and dashing after all these years! And Delta...yeah, babe...you know what's up after the show. Major Dad (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gerald_McRaney) ain't gotta know nuthin' about our late night Huddle House runs...

FAKE DELTA BURKE: Oh, stop! (laughs)

FAKE WAYNE BOLT: Blaze, nobody knows better than us about that good, good holiday food--perhaps too much! (audience laughs) We've got our health in check, but we still like good eats. Here's a little ditty here we think everyone will relate to as they go out shopping for wrong sized clothing. Save those receipts!

FAKE DELTA BURKE: And as always, go with stretch material whenever possible!

(backing band plays tune to this rhythm (http://youtu.be/zQRTk1RvFH8))

FAKE WAYNE BOLT:
O Krispy Kreme, O Krispy Kreme
You're lovely and enticing
O Krispy Kreme, O Krispy Kreme
How beautiful your icing
My palate you do satiate
I'll order three...No make that eight!
O Krispy Kreme, O Krispy Kreme
You're lovely and enticing.

FAKE DELTA BURKE:
O Krispy Kreme, O Krispy Kreme
It's more than predilection
O Krispy Kreme, O Krispy Kreme
It's physical addiction
I can't control my appetite
I long for just another bite
O Krispy Kreme, O Krispy Kreme
You're lovely and enticing.

FAKE WAYNE and FAKE DELTA in unison:
O Krispy Kreme, O Krispy Kreme
You're full of carbohydrates
O Krispy Kreme, O Krispy Kreme
I've lost control of my weight
I view the mirror with disgust
Look like a hippopotamus
O Krispy Kreme, O Krispy Kreme
You're lovely and enticing.

O Krispy Kreme, O Krispy Kreme
I've grown beyond proportion
O Krispy Kreme, O Krispy Kreme
My shorts require contortion
Obesity's my middle name
And I know where to pin the blame
O Krispy Kreme, O Krispy Kreme
You're lovely and enticing.

(hearty applause)

BLAZERUNIT:Truly beautiful. We've got an open segment--could you guys do one more?

FAKE WAYNE and FAKE DELTA: No problem!

(Wayne and Delta consult with the band, who then starts music to this tune (http://youtu.be/5sgcyaZeYHg))

FAKE DELTA:
A Weigh In The Bathroom,
I stepped on the scale
The number that rolled up,
It made me turn pale

My first inclination,
A gun to my head
Perhaps that's too drastic,
I'll diet instead

FAKE WAYNE:
So, back from the Health store
I come with low carb
Determined to shed pounds,
With help from wife, Barb

Two weeks of hard work-outs,
And starved on my ass
The scale in the bathroom,
I happen to pass...

FAKE WAYNE and FAKE DELTA in unison:
I anxiously step up,
But when I look down
Horror of horrors,
I just lost one pound!

To Hell with the diet,
I ate a whole cake..
And A Weigh In The Bathroom,
I no longer take....

(long raucous applause)

BLAZERUNIT: [wiping eyes] Incredible. You have to be in the holiday spirit after that one. Up next, a visit from a championship football coach--keep it right here!

ANNOUNCER: We'll be right back after this message (http://www.hulu.com/watch/2317/saturday-night-live-cluckin-chicken).

Doug4Troy
12-20-2011, 01:34 AM
announcer: Welcome back to the blazerunit holiday special! Sponsored locally by revco, eastern airlines, and classic 105.7 wrjm.

Once again, your host...blazerunit!

(warm applause)

blazerunit: Folks, i want to take time and apologize for our last segment; i wasn't expecting things to degrade in that direction. We almost lost control of the show, but we're right back on track now. We're gonna salvage this thing and have a great holiday show...who's with me? ['yeah!' yells the crowd]

coming to the stage...you used to know him as the chieftain of round but sound trojan defense. You used to know her as the thick southern chick who tested dixie carter's patience on the hit tv show designing women. Please, give it up for fake wayne bolt and fake delta burke!

(wayne and delta walk from behind the curtain waving in unison to hearty applause)

blazerunit: Wayne! Still looking dapper and dashing after all these years! And delta...yeah, babe...you know what's up after the show. major dad (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/gerald_mcraney) ain't gotta know nuthin' about our late night huddle house runs...

Fake delta burke: Oh, stop! (laughs)

fake wayne bolt: Blaze, nobody knows better than us about that good, good holiday food--perhaps too much! (audience laughs) we've got our health in check, but we still like good eats. Here's a little ditty here we think everyone will relate to as they go out shopping for wrong sized clothing. Save those receipts!

Fake delta burke: And as always, go with stretch material whenever possible!

(backing band plays tune to this rhythm (http://youtu.be/zqrtk1rvfh8))

fake wayne bolt:
o krispy kreme, o krispy kreme
you're lovely and enticing
o krispy kreme, o krispy kreme
how beautiful your icing
my palate you do satiate
i'll order three...no make that eight!
O krispy kreme, o krispy kreme
you're lovely and enticing.

fake delta burke:
o krispy kreme, o krispy kreme
it's more than predilection
o krispy kreme, o krispy kreme
it's physical addiction
i can't control my appetite
i long for just another bite
o krispy kreme, o krispy kreme
you're lovely and enticing.

fake wayne and fake delta in unison:
o krispy kreme, o krispy kreme
you're full of carbohydrates
o krispy kreme, o krispy kreme
i've lost control of my weight
i view the mirror with disgust
look like a hippopotamus
o krispy kreme, o krispy kreme
you're lovely and enticing.

O krispy kreme, o krispy kreme
i've grown beyond proportion
o krispy kreme, o krispy kreme
my shorts require contortion
obesity's my middle name
and i know where to pin the blame
o krispy kreme, o krispy kreme
you're lovely and enticing.

(hearty applause)

blazerunit:truly beautiful. We've got an open segment--could you guys do one more?

Fake wayne and fake delta: No problem!

(wayne and delta consult with the band, who then starts music to this tune (http://youtu.be/5sgcyazeyhg))

fake delta:
a weigh in the bathroom,
i stepped on the scale
the number that rolled up,
it made me turn pale

my first inclination,
a gun to my head
perhaps that's too drastic,
i'll diet instead

fake wayne:
so, back from the health store
i come with low carb
determined to shed pounds,
with help from wife, barb

two weeks of hard work-outs,
and starved on my ass
the scale in the bathroom,
i happen to pass...

fake wayne and fake delta in unison:
i anxiously step up,
but when i look down
horror of horrors,
i just lost one pound!

To hell with the diet,
i ate a whole cake..
And a weigh in the bathroom,
i no longer take....

(long raucous applause)

blazerunit: [wiping eyes] incredible. You have to be in the holiday spirit after that one. Up next, a visit from a championship football coach--keep it right here!

Announcer: We'll be right back after this message (http://www.hulu.com/watch/2317/saturday-night-live-cluckin-chicken).

24-23

CHughes1102
12-20-2011, 02:25 AM
This might be the most idiotic, stupid, and most boring thing I have ever seen posted on GTT.com's forums. And I sincerely mean that.

BlazerUnit
12-20-2011, 01:07 PM
This might be the most idiotic, stupid, and most boring thing I have ever seen posted on GTT.com's forums. And I sincerely mean that.

:eatdrink004:

Doug4Troy
12-20-2011, 03:21 PM
:eatdrink004:

BLAZERUNIT: Blah-blah-blah

DOUG4TROY: 24-23

BLAZERUNIT: But, blah-blah-blah

DOUG4TROY: 24-23

BLAZERUNIT: How about blah-blah-blah

DOUG4TROY: 24-23

BLAZERUNIT: But you haven't considered blah-blah-blah

DOUG4TROY: 24-23

BLAZERUNIT: Is that all you are going to blah-blah-blah

DOUG4TROY: 24-23

Doug4Troy
12-20-2011, 03:30 PM
24-23 (Preemptive, based on expective response)

Doug4Troy
12-20-2011, 03:33 PM
24-23...24-23...24-23...24-23...24-23...24-23...24-23...24-23...24-23...24-23...24-23...24-23...24-23...24-23...24-23...24-23...24-23...24-23...24-23...24-23...24-23...24-23...24-23...24-23...24-23...24-23...24-23...24-23...24-23...24-23 (Firing for effect)

Doug4Troy
12-20-2011, 03:38 PM
24-23 (yawns)

BlazerUnit
12-20-2011, 03:46 PM
ANNOUNCER: Welcome back to the Quincy's Family Steakhouse BlazerUnit Holiday Special! Sponsored in part by Big B Drugs, McRae's, and Chip Ellis Subaru! Once again, here's BlazerUnit!

(warm applause)

BLAZERUNIT: Welcome back everyone. Up next, we have a quartet of GoTroyTrojans.com posters who have a lot to be thankful for this holiday season.
FAKE DON MAESTRI: (screaming off camera) CHRIS-MUSS! CHRIS-MUSS! CHRIS-MUSS! Don't make me come afta you with wonna those new bats the baseball team ain't usin'!
BLAZERUNIT: Okay, that's enough. Security!
(muffled scuffling sounds, Taser crackle)

BLAZERUNIT: Ahem. Now where was I? Oh yes--a quintet of Troy fans who have so much to be thankful for, but they all agree on two specific things: $1 Pitcher night and Masterlock-ed gun cabinets. Please welcome the musical stylings of Possum (http://tinyurl.com/7tpg4z5), Lego (http://tinyurl.com/6wu9brl), JPSousa1898 (http://tinyurl.com/85jkymt), Tums (http://tinyurl.com/6mhcnyn), and ThePowerMan (http://tinyurl.com/736sqgz)--aka The Soooouuunnnnd of the Suuuuuuuuuccckk!

(all waddle onto the stage to warm applause, studio band plays to this tune (http://youtu.be/r2hHeU2ejBM))









It’s the most wonderful time…
For a beer!

With our red faces glowing
The taps all a-flowing
And toilets are near…

It’s the most wonderful time…
For a beer!

It’s the Hops-hoppiest season of all.

When good spirits are fleeting
From crap that we’re eating
A liquid diet calls…

It’s the Hops-hoppiest season of all!

They’ll be parties for hosting,
Much brew for the toasting,
And chilling Bud out in the snow.

They’ll be scary keg standings,
And beer pong mishandlings,
Shoulda been last call long long ago..

It’s the most wonderful time…
For a beer!

They’ll be much brew-o-flowing
My buzz never slowing
Liver, never fear…!!

It’s the most wonderful time…
It’s the most wonderful time…
It’s the most wonderful time…

For…a…BEERRRRR…

(Healthy applause. Possum and Tums fall face first attempting to bow. Powerman begins to jog off stage holding his mouth. Curtain closes.)








BLAZERUNIT: What a performance fellas, what a performance. And to think, Lions fans were hosed about Nickelback.

Folks, we've heard a lot of good singing tonight. I think its time we had a slight change of pace. Who wants to laugh? (yeah!)

Alright then, give it up for one of the best comedians I know working the college circuit today...FAKE JEREMY ROWELL!!!!

(Rowell comes out to raucous cheers, even stepping off stage to high-five several front row fans.)

FAKE JEREMY ROWELL: WHAT IS UP TROJAN NATION! (loud cheers)
I just flew in from a show in Argo, and boy are my arms tired! [crowd chuckles]

Yeah man, this is a good looking crowd. Everybody looks good...well, not everybody. I can't lie, I see a few uuggg-uhhhh--leeee folks in tha buildin' tonight. Is that Hemi Man (http://tinyurl.com/7qayrs5)'s ex-girlfriend I see a few rows back!?! Whew boy, lemme tell ya. That boy had to give that girl one of those orange huntin' hats so Greg's daddy would stop spraying her with insecticide.
[muffled laughter]

Oh man, lookie here, it's TrojanEmpire (http://tinyurl.com/7j4acqq) up on the front row. What two Easters did you put that get-up with...'85 and '93? Good lawd. Not even NBA players wear yellow anymore! I see you brought a date, she's actually kinda cute. Just remember, no kissing on the mouth!
[muffled laughter]

Discophobia (http://tinyurl.com/cs9nmxa), my main man. Still rockin' that damn Jewfro. You still got that job at Crowe's Chicken scrubbing pots wit' yo head? [Disco replies without a microphone] What? Well dang man, that's great. Disco is now working with Wiregrass Construction Company! What they got ya doing? Oh okay, you help put down the new blacktop asphalt! You stay safe out there, now. And stay out of those girls lockerrooms!
[muffled laughter]

FAKE JEREMY ROWELL: Ya'll, I really don't have a long set of jokes, I just wanted to relay a funny Christmas story my buddy troyaluminmichigan (http://tinyurl.com/d3rh9r8) told me about his grandparents. They had been married for 75 years, and they were just as grumpy and grouchy to each other as ever. Two years ago the grandmaw drove her husband to a cemetery, walked him toward an open burial plot and said, "Merry Christmas a-hole." The granddad is steamed, but he don't say nuthin'. Doesn't say a word about it. Well, fast forward to last year's Christmas, and the two of them are exchanging gifts. The granddad hands her a wrapped piece of jewelry and then said, "Where's my gift, you ugly witch?" And she says, "You sorry sack of crap, you didn't use the gift I gave you last year!" [hearty laughter]

That's my time ya'll--I'll be at the Half Shell all week, and twice tonight! Enjoy the salmon balls, good night! [hearty applause]

ANNOUNCER: We'll be right back to wrap up the BlazerUnit Holiday Special after these (http://youtu.be/m1gUdxOxsKg) very important (http://youtu.be/q6W7FY0-mks) news updates (http://youtu.be/zjYSERaXEGI).

Doug4Troy
12-20-2011, 04:01 PM
ANNOUNCER: Welcome back to the Quincy's Family Steakhouse BlazerUnit Holiday Special! Sponsored in part by Big B Drugs, McRae's, and Chip Ellis Subaru! Once again, here's BlazerUnit!

(warm applause)

BLAZERUNIT: Welcome back everyone. Up next, we have a quartet of GoTroyTrojans.com posters who have a lot to be thankful for this holiday season.
FAKE DON MAESTRI: (screaming off camera) CHRIS-MUSS! CHRIS-MUSS! CHRIS-MUSS! Don't make me come afta you with wonna those new bats the baseball team ain't usin'!
BLAZERUNIT: Okay, that's enough. Security!
(muffled scuffling sounds, Taser crackle)

BLAZERUNIT: Ahem. Now where was I? Oh yes--a quintet of Troy fans who have so much to be thankful for, but they all agree on two specific things: $1 Pitcher night and Masterlock-ed gun cabinets. Please welcome the musical stylings of Possum (http://tinyurl.com/7tpg4z5), Lego (http://tinyurl.com/6wu9brl), JPSousa1898 (http://tinyurl.com/85jkymt), Tums (http://tinyurl.com/6mhcnyn), and ThePowerMan (http://tinyurl.com/736sqgz)--aka The Soooouuunnnnd of the Suuuuuuuuuccckk!

(all waddle onto the stage to warm applause, studio band plays to this tune (http://youtu.be/r2hHeU2ejBM))









It’s the most wonderful time…
For a beer!

With our red faces glowing
The taps all a-flowing
And toilets are near…

It’s the most wonderful time…
For a beer!

It’s the Hops-hoppiest season of all.

When good spirits are fleeting
From crap that we’re eating
A liquid diet calls…

It’s the Hops-hoppiest season of all!

They’ll be parties for hosting,
Much brew for the toasting,
And chilling Bud out in the snow.

They’ll be scary keg standings,
And beer pong mishandlings,
Shoulda been last call long long ago..

It’s the most wonderful time…
For a beer!

They’ll be much brew-o-flowing
My buzz never slowing
Liver, never fear…!!

It’s the most wonderful time…
It’s the most wonderful time…
It’s the most wonderful time…

For…a…BEERRRRR…

(Healthy applause. Possum and Tums fall face first attempting to bow. Powerman begins to jog off stage holding his mouth. Curtain closes.)








BLAZERUNIT: What a performance fellas, what a performance. And to think, Lions fans were hosed about Nickelback.

Folks, we've heard a lot of good singing tonight. I think its time we had a slight change of pace. Who wants to laugh? (yeah!)

Alright then, give it up for one of the best comedians I know working the college circuit today...FAKE JEREMY ROWELL!!!!

(Rowell comes out to raucous cheers, even stepping off stage to high-five several front row fans.)

FAKE JEREMY ROWELL: WHAT IS UP TROJAN NATION! (loud cheers)
I just flew in from a show in Argo, and boy are my arms tired! [crowd chuckles]

Yeah man, this is a good looking crowd. Everybody looks good...well, not everybody. I can't lie, I see a few uuggg-uhhhh--leeee folks in tha buildin' tonight. Is that Hemi Man (http://tinyurl.com/7qayrs5)'s ex-girlfriend I see a few rows back!?! Whew boy, lemme tell ya. That boy had to give that girl one of those orange huntin' hats so Greg's daddy would stop spraying her with insecticide.
[muffled laughter]

Oh man, lookie here, it's TrojanEmpire (http://tinyurl.com/7j4acqq) up on the front row. What two Easters did you put that get-up with...'85 and '93? Good lawd. Not even NBA players wear yellow anymore! I see you brought a date, she's actually kinda cute. Just remember, no kissing on the mouth!
[muffled laughter]

Discophobia (http://tinyurl.com/cs9nmxa), my main man. Still rockin' that damn Jewfro. You still got that job at Crowe's Chicken scrubbing pots wit' yo head? [Disco replies without a microphone] What? Well dang man, that's great. Disco is now working with Wiregrass Construction Company! What they got ya doing? Oh okay, you help put down the new blacktop asphalt! You stay safe out there, now. And stay out of those girls lockerrooms!
[muffled laughter]

FAKE JEREMY ROWELL: Ya'll, I really don't have a long set of jokes, I just wanted to relay a funny Christmas story my buddy troyaluminmichigan (http://tinyurl.com/d3rh9r8) told me about his grandparents. They had been married for 75 years, and they were just as grumpy and grouchy to each other as ever. Two years ago the grandmaw drove her husband to a cemetery, walked him toward an open burial plot and said, "Merry Christmas a-hole." The granddad is steamed, but he don't say nuthin'. Doesn't say a word about it. Well, fast forward to last year's Christmas, and the two of them are exchanging gifts. The granddad hands her a wrapped piece of jewelry and then said, "Where's my gift, you ugly witch?" And she says, "You sorry sack of crap, you didn't use the gift I gave you last year!" [hearty laughter]

That's my time ya'll--I'll be at the Half Shell all week, and twice tonight! Enjoy the salmon balls, good night! [hearty applause]

ANNOUNCER: We'll be right back to wrap up the BlazerUnit Holiday Special after these (http://youtu.be/m1gUdxOxsKg) very important (http://youtu.be/q6W7FY0-mks) news updates (http://youtu.be/zjYSERaXEGI).

(sighs) 24-23

BlazerUnit
12-20-2011, 08:58 PM
ANNOUNCER: Welcome back to the Movie Gallery BlazerUnit Holiday Special! Brought to you by Phar-Mor, Coca-Cola C2, and Mobile Yugo!

[applause]

BLAZERUNIT: Welcome back. It's almost time for us to go, it's really been great to share all of these peformances with you. But before we sign off and head up U.S. 231 toward civilization, I'm saving the very best for last in this segment.

As we all undoubtedly know--we're here celebrating during the holidays because of one person's birth. One amazing, incredible person who came to make the world a better place.
















I'm talking about me, you bastards! My birthday is in late November, and I always blow it up into one big Saturnalia romp straight into the new year. Gambling, booze, cake and ice cream, orgies, parties, trips to Dave & Busters, cake and ice cream, free crap from all of your friends, VIP trips to the Plai Boi Palace, MORE cake and ice cream...my birthday IS the most wonderful time of the year, dammit! I'M the reason for this here season, and don't you Trojerks forget about it!

[audible boos heard]

What's the matter, you offended? Thought I was going to have some kind of Christmas-y theme and sing ho-ho-ho and wear a Santa hat? Hell no. Thought I was gonna be humble and poke some fun at UAB along with Troy U? Hell no, times two.

Aww, are your feelings are hurt? Well you can take your feelings, stick them in a Bama mayonnaise jar, and kick them in the sewage lagoon that doubles as your bathing hole. I don't give two BurnTheHorse posts about what you feel towards me or mine--you look up to US. UAB. The Blazers. Birmingham. Period. Nobody looks up to Troy. Amongst the two schools--we're first, you're last. F'n deal with it.

[boos]

Besides if you wanted to celebrate the birth of some religious figure? You had all August to do that. (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/f/f6/Tim_Tebow_20071223.jpg) (That's right cretins, he wasn't born in December either!)

We are not friends, Trojans. I laugh at your collective miseries and embarrassments. I laugh at your pathetic university. I laugh at all you do and all you represent, because the world knows TROY SUCKS. TROY SUCKS. TROY SUCKS. And so do Trojan fans. Hell, let me humor you and put it to a CHRIS-MUSS tune of my own (http://youtu.be/-5-OC_5rksk):

You wear over alls!
You wear over alls!
Every foot-ball gaaame
Cardinal, corduroy, crimson or blue
It's Over alls all the same!
Daddy spanks you, Mama thanks you,
It's prob-a-bly not right.
Do your laundry and say your prayers,
It's an Overalls party tonight!

You wear Over alls
You wear Over alls
And swallow moonshine swill,
Troy is the place where players go
And lose to Rick Stock-still!
Tractor keys go jingle jangle,
For you a lovely sight.
Run tell yo nanna to grab a gun
For some squirrel cass-a-role too-niiiiight!!!!!! :rollinglaugh:

[raucous boos]

BLAZERUNIT: Thank you, trailer park community!

[louder raucous boos]

BLAZERUNIT: Now, so I'm not made out to be a liar like that toilet licker Jack Hawkins, I said earlier you'd hear from a championship winning coach. Well hear he is, that pot-bellied fruit booty is here. Show some love to your FIVE TIME, FIVE TIME, FIVE TIME, FIVE TIME, FIVE TIME Sun Belt of The Suck Championship Coach, Larry FLAKEney!

http://www.wwe.com/f/imagecache/gallery_photo/photo/image/2011/03/ralphus.jpg

LARRY FLAKENEY: I'm heyah to sang my fave-o-rite kwismuss song (http://youtu.be/tusgzTamROQ)!








Lacy things -- the wife is missin',
Didn't ask -- her permission,
I'm wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.

In the store -- there's a teddy,
Little straps -- like spaghetti,
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.

In the office there's a guy named Melvin,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He'll say, "Are you ready?" I'll say,"Whoa, Man!"
"Let's wait until our wives are out of town!"

Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress -- like Madonna,
Put on some eyeshade,
And join the parade,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!

Lacy things... missin',
Didn't ask... permission,
Wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!

[raucous boos]

BLAZERUNIT: Bravo, bravo! :laughing021:

Oh snap! I told ya'll I'd save the best for last. Come to think of it, 'oh snap' is the same sound Jamie Hampton's legs have made for the last few years.

And on that note, I'd like to thank so many people for helping to make this holiday special a success. I'm thanking all of my guests--Fake Don Maestri, Fake Wayne Bolt, Fake Delta Burke (call me later you plump little wench), Fake Jeremy Rowell, those five idiots I bribed with warm CVS-branded beer, and of course the one and only Larry Flakeney. I want to thank my production crew, all the stage hands, you've done a wonderful job making me look good. Props to Nappy Boy Entertainment (http://nappyboyonline.com/), Jim 'N Nick's BBQ (http://www.jimnnicks.com/), Classic Jams Yo! 107.1 (http://www.yo1071.com/), and last but in no damn way least, the greatest university in the great state of Alabama (http://www.uab.edu/home/).

And I'll see your 'Merry Christmas', and raise you (http://youtu.be/-SI_ZgjcmPY?t=5s)...

[drops microphone, walks out of the camera shot]

[fade to black]

Burn the Horse
12-20-2011, 09:19 PM
http://static2.devote.se/gallery/big/20110422/ec650560f209e9ce03414276b923015e.jpg

BlazerUnit
12-21-2011, 12:10 AM
http://static2.devote.se/gallery/big/20110422/ec650560f209e9ce03414276b923015e.jpg

430+ views, which is more views than most of the active first page threads on the football and basketball boards.

9QS0q3mGPGg

(You Trojerk fans should probably watch this video twice, it might not sink in the first time.)

trojanbrutha
12-21-2011, 12:24 AM
BU...probably would be a little bit funny if you knew how to post youtube videos...oh, wait...that's funny! :laughing021:

Doug4Troy
12-21-2011, 02:22 AM
430+ views, which is more views than most of the active first page threads on the football and basketball boards.

9QS0q3mGPGg

(You Trojerk fans should probably watch this video twice, it might not sink in the first time.)

Semi Auto: 24-23..........24-23..........24-23..........

Three Round Burst:24-23 24-23 24-23..........24-23 24-23 24-23..........

Fully Auto: 24-23 24-23 24-23 24-23 24-23 24-23 24-23 24-23 24-23 24-23 24-23 24-23 24-23 24-23 24-23 24-23 24-23 24-23 24-23 24-23 24-23 24-23 24-23 24-23 24-23 24-23

Trojan2003
12-21-2011, 04:52 PM
http://mycotopia.net/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=67464&d=1195013411

CHughes1102
12-21-2011, 08:43 PM
The thing is...I'm perfectly fine with laughing at jokes about our program and was going into it open minded looking for a laugh.




But..........it seriously sucks and isn't funny at all.

BlazerUnit
12-21-2011, 11:32 PM
The thing is...I'm perfectly fine with laughing at jokes about our program and was going into it open minded looking for a laugh.
But...it seriously sucks and isn't funny at all.

But...you read it. And so did dozens of others. 500+ views, and counting.

http://www.commondreams.org/headlines03/images/1030-02.jpg

You Troy fans just can't quit me!

Doug4Troy
12-21-2011, 11:41 PM
When I see "Blazerunit" as the author, I don't read it. I just post 24-23. (Footnote: I read the post that said we did not read posts. Only because it was very short and it had a picture of a US president. You did know he was president...right? You seem like a democrat to me though. Not that there is anything wrong with that.)

Peace, love and 24-23

BlazerUnit
12-22-2011, 12:00 AM
Seriously, I could start copy-pasting the listings from YellowPages.com and it'd still get 300 views.

Hmmm... :rolleyes:

Doug4Troy
12-22-2011, 12:08 AM
Seriously, I could start copy-pasting the listings from YellowPages.com and it'd still get 300 views.

Hmmm... :rolleyes:

Jerry Springer has many viewers as well... so what's your point?

DedicatedTrojan84
10-02-2012, 03:34 PM
Aw Hell! I thought GayUnit was back. This ruins DT84's day.

BlazerUnit
12-18-2012, 04:46 PM
Friday.

Doug4Troy
12-18-2012, 09:01 PM
Friday.

http://sketchingbrad.com/wp-content/gallery/photo-graffiti/daily-affirmation.jpg

39-29

JPSousa1898
12-19-2012, 02:00 AM
http://ct.fra.bz/ol/fz/sw/i60/2/12/19/frabz-UAB-FOOTBALL-FAIL-Because-location-REALLY-is-everything-in-colle-9b6310.jpg
^^ That.

DedicatedTrojan84
12-19-2012, 09:32 AM
http://ct.fra.bz/ol/fz/sw/i60/2/12/19/frabz-UAB-FOOTBALL-FAIL-Because-location-REALLY-is-everything-in-colle-9b6310.jpg
^^ That.

http://handsomeclothing.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/epicpost1.gif

Doug4Troy
12-19-2012, 08:23 PM
http://ct.fra.bz/ol/fz/sw/i60/2/12/19/frabz-UAB-FOOTBALL-FAIL-Because-location-REALLY-is-everything-in-colle-9b6310.jpg
^^ That.

Whoa, I call BS on that pic. I do not believe it's an accurate potrayal of the attendence for that game... I suspect it was altered and about 200 fans were photoshopped into the stands.

JPSousa1898
12-20-2012, 11:33 PM
Whoa, I call BS on that pic. I do not believe it's an accurate potrayal of the attendence for that game... I suspect it was altered and about 200 fans were photoshopped into the stands.

Well... I did copy it from an outside source, not directly from UAB media. :jester: